All i wanted was my peace of mind... I wanted it all to end.. I wanted a free life, a sin free life... I knew i was still doing wrong things n i had been doing wrong for so long... Some how i knew she had the answer.. I knew she could help me.. I knew she wont call me an extremist n i wanted to be told i was trying to make it right... My decision and my thinking was right.. I wanted to be told i was NOT being conservative ..
I sent her a DM on Twitter asking for her help n that she can help me better than my family . Some days later i got a text from her... I wasn't feeling low that day but i tired to tell her about it n it helped...
I just started saying it..the words came in a flow but they were unordered.. As if the mess i was in,was bring displayed in my words ... I still don't remember what exactly i told her, i was too hurt to remember my own words... I do know what our topics were and I tried to express it all in a rush... I remember I was crying within minutes.. But her replies were deep, motivational and pure... Even months later i still read her messages n my IMAAN gets stronger, atleast thats how i do feel...
I told her how sinful i felt, how i had started hating all my actions... I questioned her why i was still doing wrong even though i prayed regularly... Why i was still attracted to my wrong deeds even when i was trying to leave it all... How can a person think good n do bad??? N she helped... Her words were kind n i felt that was exactly what i needed... When i told her i wanted to get rid of my sins she figured out what i was pointing to...
* Look. Allah SWT ne hum sb ko aqal e saleem pr paida kia ha. We all know whats right nd whats wrong. 2ndly, every single creation of Allah SWT is 'Muslim'. Ur eyes, ur ears. ur heart, ur arms. Aur woh sb Allah k hukm manana chahte hn. Its us, we force our eyes to go against Allah. We force ourselves to commit sins. We make wrong choices. Allah ne KHER hr insan k andr rkhi hui hoti ha, ye hmare pe ha ya to hum apni iss innate quality ko Quran ki roshni de dn aur ache musalman bn jaen ya hum apni iss quality ko society, norms, fashion, frends k hwaale kr k SUPPRESS kr dn. Hm khud apne dil pe sins ki layers chrha dete hn taa k zmeer hmari malamat krna h chor de. WE HAVE TO MAKE CORRECT CHOICE.
*Alhumdulillah tum bilkul thek soch rei ho. Gunaaho se, society k customs se chirr hona is a very positive thing. Kyu hum Allah k rang ko chor kr kisi aur ka rang apnaen. Kyu hmari society Madinah wali society nei ha. Jb tak hmari society nei badalti hm uski nei sunen ge. We have to change our society.
*Alhumdulillah . Allah SWT wants u to change thats all. Bus zindagi mn hmn aik h kaam krna ha woh ha QURAN se chipakna. Buss!! Jb quran kholo iss niyyat se kholo k Allah mje btaen mn kia kru. Tmhn tmhara hr aik jwaab mil jae ga IA. Trust me.
*Ye yaad rkho k 5 namazen prhna is minimum. And Jannah is v.expensive. AllaH SWT demands every single sacrifice.
*Aj ummat ka srf aik masla ha woh ye k hm ne kyu k apna DEEN seekha h nei tou hmn aj uss pe aur uske tareequ pe fakhar krna nei ata. Hum apni gr bechaini ka ilaaj dhoondne dostu k paas ya maa baap k paas jate hn aur woh hmn ye smjha k thanda kr dete hn 'u being conservative, islam mn aitdaal pasandi ha' and bla bla. Hum kyu na Allah se poochen k hmn kia krna chaiye? Hum kyu na Quran kholen so that Allah SWT speak directly to us nd tell us what to do.
Yei to na. Hum namaz prhte hn hum Quran nehi prhte. Allah se baat krte hm mage ye nei pata k Allah ne hm se kia baaten ki hui hn 6666 ayahs r thr.
I told her i read Quran but I don't read translation... I told her i barely get time because of my routine. I can't even find time to ready my course books...
* What do you mean? Course books are secondary. We have to live in this world as a visitor. We should read these worldly books only to thr extent that we live in this world. Our real home is in Jannah. You want to prepare for it or not? Its preparation can be done with these books only . ILm e Deen is farz just like Salaat.
I told her it gets difficult for me when I try to follow Parda and others stop me. They think I am doing too much...
*Mje to bht maza ata ha. I love to be a rebel. Mje itni khushi hoti ha k mn society k 90% logu jesi nei hu. Im going against the tide. Aur wase bhi 'Allah k rang se behtr rang ks ka ho skta ha' Quran ki ayat ha na.
*Tmhn pata ha aik dfa mere parde ka bht issue bna. Tb mn roi bht roi. Aur Allah se dua ki k mere dil ko halka kr dn. Tb mn ne randomly rack pe pri hui tafaaseer mn se aik uthai aur dua k sath randomly aik page khol dia. And what i found was surah Noor. Tb mje yaqeen a gya Allah SWT ne iss kitab mn meri h kahaani likhi ha. Tb mn ne soch lia IA, mn kbi apne parde ki hudd ko kisi k lye ni khtm kru gi chahe sb jitni baten krn.
*Improve ur vocabulary ;) stylish matlab 'jahil'. Dunya k peche bhagne wala koi b insan stylish ni hota. Hijaab and Parda is the peak of style.
*Kbi kisi ko apna hijaab na utaarne dena. Qabar mn tmhare sath na ami jaen gi na abu aur na behnen na bhai. Wahan akele h letna. Bus jb koi haq ka faisla kro tou uss oe dutt jao.
And that's what I keep in my when I get into any such situation... When others say its fine its just family I shouldn't be this much crazy about ot.. That's what I tell myself. They wont be in my grave.. I'll be there alone.. I'll pay for my sins alone... On judgment day they'll not help me...I'll be on my own then, I should be on my own now...We talked about love... I told her how i felt... The one thing that i hated...
*Aur aik baat yad rkhna fatima. Tum se srf woi shakhs waqye h mohabbat krta ha jo tmhn Jannat mn apne sath le jana chahte ha. Aik aise ghar mn jahan forver ka union ho ga. Baki hr insan ki mohabbat deception hoti ha. Tmhn guilt feel hoga( shatan tm se feel krwae ga) k tm ne uss bechare k sath acha nei kia and all. Tb dil ko yad krwana k mje Allah se ziada koi mohabbt ni lr skta aur Allah ne hudood muqarar ki hn to woh mere h faide k lye hn. Aur ye k jo tmhn apne sath gunah gar bnae woh kbi tmhara mehboob nei ho skta. Never.
*Jo apne Rabb se wafa nei kr skta hai uss insan se hum wafa ki umeed kese kr skte??
*Ye jo Love before wedding wale chakar hn ye sb bus nei tahzeeb k gandey anday hn. Its nt even real.
*We have more or less the same story my frend. Dont worry. Trust me. Quran fills ths gap. Telling u my personal experience :):) Quran se pyaar ho jae to smjho baki dunya sari stupid lgne lg jati ha.
*Anyways kehne dou. Pehle mn logu se mohabbaten kia krti thi iss lye i used to feel hurt jb koi kuch kehta tha. Ab mn doosru se mohabbaten srf Allah k lye krti hu, iss lye ab mje koi farak h nei prta k koi mje kia kehta ha. Kyu k ab mera hr muamla Allah k sath ha, IA woi mje jizza de ga. Tmhare sath baat kr rei hu srf issi waja se k
Uhibbuki Fillah (Love you for Allah')
*Insha Allah. Bus apni niyyatu ko khalis rkhna. The one who is in search of Truth, Allah SWT guides him. This is unquestionable fact.
Maybe some people are here to guide us.. With their words and with their own personal experience...and thats what she did... I'm glad I do have her to help me... I don't know how strong her Imaan is, I don't know how regularly she prays, I don't even know what lies in her heart... But who am I to judge? I am not the one who should judge the intensity of her Imaan. I can only perceive what she shows me, I can only ask for help knowing that she'll help me for the sake of Allah.
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